“The Invisible Killer”…no this is not about COVID ;)

Guest Post by Sarah Yancey

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It may have only been a few months that we worked together but I feel like I have known this woman my entire life. I’m so thankful that our paths crossed and we can continue this friendship even if we are states away.. I appreciate how easily we can joke around and laugh (and how our quirky sense of humors click) but yet have one of the most deepest and vulnerable conversations full of genuine love and acceptance in the same sitting. I’m honored that she was willing to share even a sliver of the magic that she holds inside in today’s blog. It is something I relate to, and I know others will too. Sarah you help more people by being yourself than you know, and thank you again for sharing this wonderful message.

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Hello there, thank you for taking some time out of your day to read what has been put on my heart. I sincerely hope that this will help someone reading today, or perhaps you think of someone who might need a little encouragement and you share this with them. 

I want to put out a disclaimer that I am by no means a professional writer. I love writing and find the vulnerability of sharing personal thoughts and experiences therapeutic to myself and the potential reader, but with not being a professional I apologize if there are any grammatical or punctuation errors.

Now…to the point we all say! 🙂

First off as I’m writing this, today, May 17th, is my half birthday and that means I am…gulp… 31 and a half years old. Holy moly how did that happen? The only reason I mention that is because it plays a part of what I am about to write about. What am I about to write about you ask? Well, the topic that was laid on my heart and made my mind race a million miles last night and this morning was, FEAR. I realize this topic gets covered a lot and so I just hope I can put a few new perspectives on it.

So with now being a 31 and a half year old stay at home mom of a two year old I’ve had a lot of time to think about and research the big question in life, “What do I want to do when I grow up?” Ugh I hate that question and have always hated that question. I hate it because I still don’t know! Do you have it figured out? If so, congratulations! I sincerely am happy you have because the struggle is real haha. And when I asked this question to myself even 10 years ago I thought I had plenty of time to figure it out but here I am, still trying to find that answer. 

Fear has always played a role in this question because I know fear has held me back from MANY things in life. For a very long time now I have wanted to learn sign language, play the piano, volunteer on a regular basis, take up a life-long hobby, and graduate with a degree, but guess what? I haven’t taken up any of those things even though I have wanted to! What’s up with that? I’ll admit maybe a little bit of laziness or being too “relaxed” in life, but the main reason I’ve come to realize is that it’s all based on fear. Fear of failing, fear of the longevity of learning something, fear of the financial burden it might place on me/my family, fear of the fear of fear?!!? My goodness, that’s a lot to let go of. Commence all the millennial women singing “Let It Gooo, Let It Gooo”

So sorry about that. Let’s continue. 

So what is fear? Well according to dictionary.com it can be a noun or a verb. As a verb fear is to:”be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.” 

So now where does fear come from? When does it start to play a role in us as humans? We all have fear, it just seems to change as we age. I know my son doesn’t share the same fears I share. His fear could be thunder, mommy leaving the room at night, trying a new food haha. But as adults our fears change, they evolve and seriously put a hold on our whole lives! There is something so wrong with that! Imagine the potential in every person on this planet if we were not held back by fear?! Now, some fear is essential because it is built into us as humans for survival, but the type of fear I’m about to discuss is something that holds back our true identity.

I don’t know what fear has held you back from, but I think fear grips me and holds me back because I’m scared of too much responsibility and the consequences if something went wrong. For example I LOVE animals, and worked in the veterinarian field for about four years. Working at the hospitals I worked at was absolutely amazing and I loved learning everything I did, but I never pushed myself to be anything more than a receptionist/veterinary assistant. Why though? If I loved it so much and had the potential to make a little bit more money I could have studied to be a veterinary technician and really felt I had a career. But the fear of the responsibility of me doing something wrong or not fast enough that could have resulted in hurt to an animal, oh boy, that was something I could not live with so I just took the easy route and didn’t advance my career. Now I get that is very drastic thinking, but that was definitely my thought process.

My husband has said recently I give up when it comes to hard work. Now my husband is a very good man and has always only wanted the best for me so he said that to me out of love and knowing I can do more. He knows that the only thing standing in my way is ME. So when he said that to me it was hard to hear because I have always thought of myself as a hard worker; I am a hard worker…but only when I want to and I feel there isn’t a threat anywhere hiding. However, when it comes to true dedication and hard work I shrink and don’t see myself as a success. So my want of learning sign language, playing the piano, volunteering, finding a hobby, college, job opportunities…it all doesn’t go anywhere further than a want because fear has taken over my brain.

What I know I need is motivation, and a change of mind to do my wants, to do what will fill my life with purpose which will then fill my family’s life with purpose. No one has just woken up one day and become a doctor. It takes time, massive dedication and focus, and support from your circle of loved ones. 

So what puts fear in you that you don’t go after your wants, dreams, desires?

I created an acrostic poem for the word FEAR to change my mindset, and hopefully yours if you are struggling like me.

F ollow

E very

A dventure

R Responsibly

Follow every adventure responsibly.

It’s time to follow your heart, your gut, your dreams…whatever you want!…but please in a responsible manner. I know that sounds silly, but with anything you do you have to be smart about the way in which you approach things. I think the best way to do that is to make a plan. It’ll make the fear a little less strong because if you put a plan in place and set a goal you can attack your want with full force. My downfall the last 10 years has been I’ve had no plan. I feel like things will just fall into place, and sometimes they do…but not always. Again, I’m not just going to wake up one day and know sign language. I need to start a plan and be responsible with my time, resources, money, etc.

So to conclude, fear is a mindset. It is a killer. It is holding us back from joy and prosperity!

I love adventures. Don’t you? Adventures in nature, adventures traveling, adventures to enjoy music. And really, even getting married, having children, moving to a new state…those are all adventures! Every adventure has hurdles. It takes work to climb a mountain, it takes work to make a marriage strong and healthy, it takes work to create happy, responsible children. Maybe my problem this whole time has been I haven’t been looking at my wants and desires as adventures, I’ve been looking at them as a potential failure and hard, hard work. But I’m not going to view fear as the definition of fear anymore, I am going to do the opposite and Follow Every Adventure Responsibly.

Will you join me?