Thought For Food

Guest post by Ashley Klatkiewicz

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

I have the honor this week to feature one of my favorite people. Not only is she my sister, but she is a kindhearted and a genuine person who wants to make a positive difference in the world. I’m inspired by her every day to be creative and to be grateful for the relationships and connections we make with people. She has a story and I feel that it is important to share not just because she’s my sister, but because I also believe in the message.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s hard to believe that my sister Jen and I were once picky eaters. We were the kids that lived on peanut butter bread, cereal, and brown sugar sandwiches. Yep, you read that last one right: white bread, butter, and brown sugar…..oh my! We didn’t have a grasp on good nutrition, but that’s okay because we were happy, right?

It’s incredible how much food is connected to our emotions. When we are sad…we eat. When something good happens…let’s celebrate by grabbing a bite! When we are stressed…let’s have some comfort food. When we are bored…you guessed it – NOMS! Or, if you are like some of us, it goes the opposite way. We don’t feel like eating at all. It’s when we can’t separate our feelings from the food that these behaviors get out of control and eating disorders develop.

Mass media typically portrays the average person as thin – both girls and guys. Recently, some brands have made steps in the right direction to correct this misrepresentation, but the overall message still rings clear: Skinny is beautiful. A lot of eating disorders stem from this convoluted concept, but I believe the issue goes much, much deeper.

When I was 15, I was diagnosed with anorexia and depression. Up until then, you would have never pegged me to have such issues. I was a straight-A student who excelled in many things. I was involved in many activities at school and church. I had a large group of friends and a place I belonged at their lunch table. I was a people pleaser, a rule follower…..perfect. That front was extremely hard for me to keep up with.

As a young girl struggling to find my identity amongst many life changes and confusing emotions, I grabbed at something I had complete control over: what I put in my mouth. It was something I could focus all my attention on instead of dealing with the uncomfortable feelings. It started out as a contest to see how long I could go without eating. How many meals could I skip? As the number on the scale went down, it thrilled me to be in control of that number. But before I knew it, instead of me being in control of the scale, that number was ruling my life. No matter how low that number got, I still wasn’t happy. Eating anything was terrifying. I was so thin that it hurt to sit on the floor. My hair started falling out. My period stopped because my body did not have the energy to keep that system going. I was sliding into a deeper depression, and my spirit was just like my stomach – empty.

An eating disorder is a SYMPTOM of a bigger underlying issue. I believe it comes from deep seeded feelings of worthlessness and self-hate. Feelings of not being good enough, shame, and a warped body image. For me, it also came from a having difficulty dealing with life changes and tough emotions. Food can be a way to cope with painful feelings – either by eating way too much, not enough, or binge eating and then purging by vomiting, using laxatives, fasting or extensive exercise. And just like any addiction, getting trapped in the obsessive thinking is almost impossible to come out of without help.

I was saved by a close friend that saw me suffering silently at the lunch table. I am forever grateful that she had the guts to say something to the school nurse who was then able to get me on the right track to treatment. After counseling, medication, dietician appointments, and support from my family I was able to finish out my high school years and have a normal life after that.

I’ve still struggled occasionally. Going through the body and life changes that pregnancy and postpartum bring were especially challenging, but now I have the awareness and tools to have a happy outcome. I have found freedom from food anxiety and positive ways of dealing with tough emotions: being creative, playing music, being with friends and family, practicing gratitude, and setting goals (and clearance shopping, let’s be honest). I have educated myself on the right way to eat to feel good, strong, and give my body energy to live my life the way I want. I am no longer a picky eater and will enjoy almost every food (except bacon, weird I know). But most importantly, I have given my body the love and care that it deserves. When my body feels good, my soul feels good too! Since then it has done some amazing things – like healed itself from major trauma, and carried and nourished two healthy babies! Having two girls of my own now, one of my life goals is to be a role model for them to be well, healthy, and to truly love themselves.

Are you someone that has a negative relationship with food? Have you noticed someone else struggling? My hope is that you look inside yourself to find what the real issue is and then reach out for help. Having a positive relationship with your body that exuberates wellness, confidence, and complete acceptance and love for yourself….to me, that’s the definition of beauty!