All You Need is Love

One of our first Christmases together I got Lucas a t-shirt and a Playstation2 NBA game. For one of his birthdays I got him sweatpants…..just a pair of sweatpants. Another Christmas, a pair of P3 Jordan shoes that had green and red shoelaces. I have been with him for 12 years and those are the majority of the types of gifts I get him. However there was one really good Christmas that I bought him a PS3 (and he loved it, and we still use it!) but besides that one lone year, I am not by any means a good gift giver. The thought behind the gift give me anxiety for many reasons. 1. What if they don’t like the gift? 2. What if they have it already? 3. I procrastinate so long that Amazon Prime can’t even save me.

Lucas’ birthday is Wednesday…..this Wednesday, and I still don’t have anything for him. Poor guy. I love him so much but it’s never been easy for me to express my love in gifts to him or to others. But just because it’s hard for me doesn’t mean it’s hard or fueled with anxiety for others. In fact, almost every year Lucas is the one that does the Christmas Shopping for both our families because he’s so stinking good at it! Way better than me at least. If it were me I’d give a gift card or money (NO GREETING CARDS) and call it a day. But Lucas wouldn’t let that fly.

I’ve gotten down on myself before about this, thinking that I didn’t know the person well enough that I was buying the gift for or that I wasn’t creative enough to come up with a thoughtful gift to show them how much they really mean to me. It wasn’t until I read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman that I realized that gift giving just wasn’t my language. It didn’t mean that I didn’t love/care about that person, I just had other more natural ways for me of showing it.

In the book Chapman breaks down the love languages into 5 categories. Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch, and Quality Time. There is a test in the book that you can take (it’s online for free also!) to figure out what you score is in each category. Personally my top two were Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. It made sense to me because I’ll compliment the crap out of Lucas all day, make him his coffee, cook him food, and scratch his back no problem. Can you guess what I scored a big fat ZERO in???? Yep, GIFTS! It was completely eye opening to me to think that I had preferred ways that I showed/show my love.

Not only did it show me what I preferred, it opened my eyes to see that Lucas had his own preferred methods as well! After some observation….and let’s be real, I totally made him take the test too…his top two were Quality Time and Acts of Service. I consider ourselves one of the lucky couples who have two of the same languages in our top two categories (Acts of Service). I know now that when he unplugs the toilet for me or when he pops the zit on my back that I can’t reach, he’s showing me loves me, and I appreciate it that much more. And he knows when I push the drivers seat back (so he doesn’t hit his legs on the steering wheel) means I really love him too.

We’ve also made a better effort in working on our other two languages for each other that were different. I’ve been more intentional about putting specific time asides to spend with Lucas for quality time (going for walks, shooting hoops, putting puzzles together) to express that. And he’s been more intentional about reminding me how strong I am, and how nice my hair looks, and how amazing my Turkey Sausage Mustard Sauerkraut dinner was the other night. We’ve learned a lot about ourselves, but we’ve also learned a lot about each other, and it’s been incredibly fufilling.

The love languages aren’t specific to significant others. You can practice this with your friends and families as well. To me, it’s just one more way to create a deeper connection and understanding of the people you care most about in your life. If you take the time to listen and observe (or heck, why not ask them if they know what their language is!) and then act on it, I think you might be pleasantly surprised with the outcome. Who doesn’t need a little more love in their life?

What’s something you can do for someone you care about to show that you love them, in their language?

***Interested in purchasing the book “The 5 Love Languages”? I highly recommend it. If you order from Amazon from this link below I get a small commission (at no extra cost to you!). You can check your local library, and I do have a copy you could borrow as well.***

Next week’s post will be written by my first ever Guest author! I’m so stinking excited for you guys to read what she has to share. Have a wonderful week!